The Self Love Era
Why singles need to throw themselves out there when it comes to self love.
By Sanchia Saunders
“I am free to do what I want, without having to think about other people's feelings’, are the wise words my 25 year old sister provided me on Tuesday night, when I asked her how she felt about being single.
I won't digress into the profanities that followed, but if you listen to the chorus of Beyonces ‘Cuff it’ I think you may begin to get the jist.
However, could this mean that Gen Z daters are choosing to hold onto their independence over seeking love?
As reports have found that the main reason why 31% of young people date, is to learn more about themselves and what they like in a potential partner, instead of actually seeking a romantic connection. This could mean that the infamous phrase, there's more fish in the sea, may now be dead in the water, as singles are hanging up their rods, as they are tired of fishing for love.
Instead of hitting the clubs and hitting the booze which usually results in the infamous TikTok song ‘Give me one Margarita’ being sung one too many times, singles are striving to overcome loneliness after love by levelling up and seeking love within.
Reports from the Tinder Newsroom have found that ‘1 in 3 millennials associate being single with happiness’, which comes as no surprise, as the #selfloveera has been going heavy on social medias like TikTok and Instagram.
TikTok creator Daniel visuals who uses her account as a visual diary, is a great example of how Gen Z are reinventing themselves online.
As her ‘Self Love’ video which has amassed over 200k likes see’s a compilation of videos featuring her indulging in self care where she lights a candle, makes an iced matcha and puts on a face mask, to show herself love.
Even though this may seem like your usual daily tasks, taking time out for you and spending quality time with yourself, reaffirms the idea that self love is just as, or if not more important than romantic love.
The rise of self discovery
After a relationship many singles often suffer an identity crisis, as once the hot girl/boy summer is over and screaming ‘We outside’ with their friends has died down, they have to start over and find out what makes them them again.
This can often be difficult due to people having to enter into unknown territories and Reddit alluded to this in their article as they suggest, ‘Romantic breakups can shake our sense of identity - as after the dissolution of a relationship people can feel as if part of themselves have gone missing’.
This often plants seeds of self doubt and turmoil when trying to navigate life alone, and in the past many would have got under someone to get over someone. However there has been a shift, as singles are now looking inwards for love. This is due to people having more time for themselves where they are able to revisit past passions, whether that's hobbies like starting the gym or taking up a swimming class, which allows for energy to be put into something more positive.
Instagrammer Eleanor Forsure who has started a series named, ‘Heartbroken and running a marathon’ shows how investing in yourself and your passions can turn your life around. As she went from being heartbroken and running a marathon to, ‘No longer heartbroken and still running a marathon’.
Healthy Relationships
Despite self care and hobbies promoting self love, reconnecting with friends is one of the most effective ways to enjoy shared experiences and get yourself back out there. Its ability to enhance the value of companionship and connection, as well as filling the void of loneliness, encourages the rise of event based experiences, and also provides hope that a romantic connection can be fostered once again.
Unsurprisingly a 2020 Oxford study reinforced the power of healthy platonic relationships as it showed that both men and women report higher levels of intimacy with their best friend than with their romantic partner.
Institutions like Bumble have encouraged and aided these forms of relationships by adding features to their app which allows people to connect not just romantically but if they are seeking friendship too, and I believe these are the type of features that the people want.
Instead of swiping aimlessly for the perfect match, apps could incorporate more features that encourage event based dating, which allows for singles to foster more intimate and deep rooted connections.
As the continuous flow of matches and notifications can become overwhelming for singles especially when they don't know what they want.
Therefore creating safe spaces with like minded people in a social setting could help ease and encourage people to date again.
But what do you think, is self love important and the key to finding love again or should people hop back on the horse and get themselves out there.
Credits:
- Tinder Newsroom. "Gen Z and Young Millennials Give New Meaning to Conscious Uncoupling." Tinder, 9 Dec. 2021,
- Eleanor. Photograph of a Beach. Instagram, 15 June 2023,
- https://www.reddit.com/r/science/comments/m4eqfv/breakupinduced_confusion_about_ones_selfidentity/?rdt=39385#
- Working Out: The Breakup Antidote." Garage Gym Reviews, 15 June 2022.
- Anonymous. "Opinion: The New Postgrad Relationship Hierarchy." The Washington Post, 21 Sept. 2023.
